Moving On is the Only Choice
So for those of you closest to me, you already know the last month has been a difficult one for me. Losing a friend is never easy, but losing three long-time, close friends in less than 3 weeks? Well, that’s just downright difficult. I didn’t get the proper time to grieve the loss of one before another friend had passed. I took this past week off to attend USA/Canada Lions Leadership Forum in Calgary, AB, but the beginning past of the week, I had some time to properly process my grief – or so I thought. When I arrived in Calgary, my luggage decided to stay in the states. At first, I was annoyed, but on the first day, especially because my contact bag with all the tools I needed to insert and remove my contacts were in there. I could have let it ruin my weekend, but reflecting on my friends over the last several weeks, I was able to have a little different outlook.
My three friends were three of the best people I’ve known in my life. They each had characteristics that people gravitated towards them. In attending their celebrations of life, hearing the stories told by their friends and family, and reflecting on my own history with them, I was able to turn my grief into a long-term commitment towards embracing my own life moving forward. Instead of dwelling on how or why they passed far too young, I’m going to tell a story about each of them and what I learned.
Aimee came into my life through one of my best friends, Evan. At first, Evan and Aimee played it cool that they were not in a relationship, but everyone around them knew something was up. Evan brought Aimee to my semi-regular game night at my house, and in the entire time that I knew Aimee, she always had a smile and was never in a bad mood. Certainly, she had bad days like anyone else, but she never let it be externalized when it came to being around others. Regardless of what was going on around or with her, she chose to share a positive outlook with those she came in contact with. She never wanted to be the reason someone had a bad day.
Prior to the pandemic, she organized monthly dinners so we could catch up because Evan and I rarely took initiative to plan. It was important to her to share Evan with others instead of insulating him to herself. It was important to get to know Evan’s friends and become her friends. It got to the point that Aimee and I probably would have met for dinner if Evan couldn’t; the majority of these dinner were just Aimee and I talking to one another and Evan was given permission to sit and listen.
Aimee was a huge Disney fan, which I attribute to her desire to choose happiness and joy over all. Evan and Aimee spent their honeymoon in Disney, and I know aside from being in Disney, nothing brought her more regular happiness than spending time with Evan. She chose Evan to feel that Disney feeling every day.
Aimee had qualities that I want to strive for:
- She was a joy and a light to the world
- She took pictures. Lots of pictures. Something I struggle with. I had very few pictures with her, and now I realize that I need to do a better job to capture those moments and those people (and dogs) who are the light in my life.
- She had an infectious smile that made others smile.
I met Matt when I returned from pharmacy school and started working back in my hometown in Warwood in 2012. When he heard my last name, the first thing he asked was “Is your dad a teacher?”
As a former student of my father, Matt told stories about how few teachers cared about him because he wasn’t the best or hardest working student, but my dad saw beyond the grades to the person he was. Immediately, Matt and I became friends, and he always brightened up my day by swinging past the pharmacy when he was in town and would say something goofy or tell me a story about his hijinks.
Matt was described by everyone as a “guy who would give the shirt off his back if you needed it”, and it couldn’t be more true. Not only would he help, but it became his responsibility once he agreed to help. He helped me haul the farmers market trailer anytime it needed moved because I don’t have a vehicle with a hitch. Once, we got someone else to move it for us, and shortly after, I received a text from Matt asking me if I knew someone had moved it. He was a watchdog for others.
His daughter was his absolute world. Every conversation at some point usually involved telling me what was going on in Willow’s life. The hardest part of Matt being gone is knowing that he won’t be around to continue to see her excel and become an adult.
Matt once helped me to help someone. One of my friends had a van with a ramp for wheelchairs, and that ramp had some mechanical problems. I asked Matt to see if he could figure out what it needed and what it might cost to help her. Matt came down and looked at it, figured out what was wrong with it, researched the parts it needed to fix, and offered to do it all for the cost of the part. He knew it might be a few hours of his day, but he could make my friend’s life much easier by giving her reliable transportation to doctor’s appointments, grocery stores, etc. I spent the day with him working on it (I was hardly able to help with the welding and repairs needed). During that time he taught me what he was doing, he and I talked about all kinds of stuff, and he even went around and filled up windshield fluid, cleaned windows, etc. No one asked him to do all that, but he saw a need and he rolled up his sleeves and did it. When all was said and done, he put hours of work using his talents and knowledge to help someone he had just met.
And if I can pull one lesson from my friendship with Matt – at face value we probably didn’t share a lot in common. But we COMPLEMENTED each other. He could do tremendous things with his hands, and he was very smart in many ways. From a technology standpoint, I was able to bring something extra to his work. Likewise, I’m able to do a lot but creating with my hands, cars, metalwork, etc…well, if you knew Matt Moore, that was his superpower. On paper, it’s unlikely many would have picked us to be friends – but that’s what made us great. Different perspectives. I think we need to spend time realizing that we have more in common than what divides us at times – a lesson Matt helped me to learn and commit to.
Matt had qualities I want to strive for:
- He didn’t let stuff get too serious.
- He helped EVERYONE, not because he would someday benefit, but because it was the right thing to do.
- He valued family and friends, and very few people were neither. I was fortunate enough that he considered me both.
- He was selfless with his possessions. If he had it, and you didn’t, it was yours too.
I met Daniel some 20+ years ago as the little brother of my friend Amy. I’m pretty sure Daniel was a sibling that was always welcome to be around. To my knowledge, I don’t remember Amy ever being upset that he was hanging around. As we got older and the girls wanted to run off and do girl stuff, Daniel and I spent a lot of time together. He always had a positive attitude and I don’t think he had a single enemy. In fact, if you knew him, you probably considered him one of your best friends. It probably was a daunting task to be everyone’s best friend, but it never stopped him from treating everyone that way.
As adults, like many, we drifted apart from regular contact but would occasionally meet up for a hockey game, a WVU game, etc. I’d see him in Warwood regularly, and every time…we’d always say “we should hang out”. I hate that I rarely made the time to spend more time with him.
Daniel had qualities I want to strive for:
- I don’t recall him ever being mean.
- Everyone was his friend, and those who reciprocated in any way, he was one of your best friends.
- He had a laugh and an energy that people just wanted to be around.
- I felt like when we talked, he intently listened. He concentrated on hearing you (partially due to some hearing loss), but he made you feel like the most important person because you were his sole focus at that time.
Aimee was a big Billy Joel fan (possibly because she saw how much joy Billy Joel brought to her husband and my friend Evan). I have been reminded over the last month that “only the good die young”, and these were three of the best I have come to find in my life. I have grieved, but as I look back on the memories of these three people, it’s with great happiness that I was given the opportunity to know them and they allowed me to be their friend.
I titled this post “Moving On is the Only Choice” not to close the chapter on grieving. We move forward with their memory and spirit within those who knew them best to keep their body of work as a person alive. It’s a reminder to us all that our lives can be over tomorrow and that we should make the most of today. I am deeply saddened to have lost these three souls from our physical world when it seems like there are far fewer good people in this world today. BUT, I am making a conscious choice to move forward with the qualities of each of them as part of myself to honor each of them and keep their spirit alive. I know it’s what each of them would have wanted.
Slow down. Make time for friends and family. Treat others how you would want to be treated. Give your time and talents to help others. Smile more. Put daily worries into perspective. I did without luggage for 3 days. I fumbled around with out my contacts for a couple days (things were blurry). The only things that really matter are people. Make those connections with people. Don’t sweat the small stuff, and if it isn’t people, it’s small stuff.